How many times can a person have a good thing and screw it up? Just when things are beginning to look up, can someone partake in self-destruction? I don’t know, apparently, I’m not done yet. Ask me again in 30 or 40 years and maybe I’ll be able to give you a more accurate number.
I’m not one who usually does the woe-is-me thing, or seeks out self-pity. But….
Here is where I am now, in case you have missed any past blogs…
Divorced with two kids. Not saying that the divorce was my fault, but I’m sure the amount of travelling I did for my job, greatly contributed to it’s demise.
Neither of my kids are speaking to me, and the eldest hasn’t really spoke to me in 18 months or so. The youngest is probably going on about 6 months. Apparently, I am too strict, or too nosey, or I’m sure multiple other reasons that are probably on some level based on truth. Or at least their perception of truth.
Jobless. Haven’t been able to find a real or decent job for about two years now. Have great expections that, that will change after the upcoming elections. Trying to figure out what I would be happy doing for the next 30 years or so. Still working on that. It is very hard to change careers when you’ve only done one thing for the last 20 years. No college degree, and no money to go back to school to get one.
Bankruptcy. The lawyer “misplaced” my information. So, that is delayed now. Hard to keep up on your bills when you have no source of income.
No vehicle. Sold mine for the cash, and because someone else needed it more than I did. Plus, my financee had two. So, technically I have a vehicle, but neither is really mine.
Current relationship. I think there is a country song that talks about being “too cold at home”. That’s were I’m at now. The fiancee intercepted a message that was “misinterrepted”. Now she thinks that I may be messing around. The last few days have been tense at best. I have tried numerous times, and numerous ways to explain the message. But, so far to no avail. — For the record: The message was innocent, I am not doing anything inappropriate!
There is an old saying that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” But, seriously, I think he’s trying to break me. I think he’s already broke me.
I thought I was depressed before, but with this latest batch of stress, I’m borderline… well let’s just say I’m at my breaking point. Something has to give. Something has to change.
What have I done to deserve so much punishment? When do I start to see the rewards? Why does life have to always be so damn difficult?