First of all let me clarify by saying that they are not really adopted. They are just kids of friends, or friends of kids.
The first was a long time ago. It was the girl that lived near me. She was the same age as my eldest. They became fast friends, and were inseperable for a time. Thereby, she spent a lot of time at my house, and going places with us. Her mother and I became good friends for awhile, until they moved. The girl, because of her personality, and the time that she spent at my house, became like a daughter to me. In fact, so much so, that my eldest sometimes got jealous because she was here more than what the eldest was. I don’t get to see her much anymore, but still get updates now and then. She was the hardest when she left, I still find myself thinking about those times and her from time to time.
The longest, a child of friends back home. My house became her vacation spot for a few years. She was here at least once a month for a couple years. She was the one I had lunch with recently. I think that her and I will always be friends, and will always be able to talk. She’s always come to be, and been able to talk to me about anything and everything. She’s always been honest and open with me. She is effected when I show my disappointment. She’s older now and in college. But we still talk and text. I expect to see her more once she gets settled in at college.
The third one, we’ve been through a lot. Taken some really long car rides, just driving around and talking whenever she was having issues at home. Sometimes over boy issues. There are many a time that she has cried on my shoulder or sought out my advice. She got close to her boyfriends family, which I am happy about, but I don’t get to see her as much as I would like. There are some hidden issues that are keeping us apart, but I expect those to work themselves out in the near future.
There have been a couple of other ‘adopted’ kids along the way. Seems that I am the home for wayward souls. I listen and I talk to them, not as children but as adults. But it has been these three that have touched me the most. It is these three that I hope to stay in contact with. It is these three that I have developed, unique and seperate bonds.
As for the biologicals, I had a special bond with the eldest (or so I thought) for a few years. But that went up like a stick of dynamite with a very short fuse. We had our issues. Nothing really out of the ordinary – typical parent vs teen struggles, or so I thought. There are a lot of theories as to why, it is what it is. Now they are bitter and angry.
The youngest, ahh well, that relationship has always been a bit of a struggle. That’s been the one that has always tried to push the envelope, even as a small child. That’s the one that screwed off in school, wouldn’t do chores. They are in high school now, so at least the school is taken a little more seriously. I think they are the one that learned very early that Dad had rules and Mom didn’t. Manipulate the situation to your full advantage.
So, now we are all but estranged. The eldest hates me, it’s been written and implied. The youngest, well, it’s just easier at Mom’s. But they both do their best to stay away from me and find excuses not to visit.
I made my eldest promise me when they moved out, that they wouldn’t let our issues get in the way of my grandchildren. They looked at me like I was some kind of crazy. I’m sure this promise is long forgotten, and won’t be lived up to.
Me, well, it’s taken awhile, but I’ve started to accept it. I keep in the loop through third parties. I have soon to be step-kids to worry about. I can’t control their feelings. I can’t make them come talk to me. I can’t fix this for them. I hope that some day they will grow up enough to try to mend things, but I don’t hold my breath.
Someday I’ll be dead, maybe then they will see. They will understand a Father’s love. Doubtful.